Monday, November 23, 2009

Bathroom humor

So you want to see the bathroom photos, huh, Andy D? I'm sure you're disappointed. You wanted to see something, er, more substantial?

The original below.

Three things you need to know this morning.

1. Reader, depending upon which one of us you ask, Andy D and I have been either best friends (my opinion) for the past thirty years or at least tolerably decent casual acquaintances (his). Really the only thing that binds us is bathroom humor. He deprecates on me all the time.


2. I love mash up music. I want you to send me some. I'm a needy needy man.

3. Here's a conversation I had the other day with a co-worker. (I used to say "colleague," but she lost that title in my book. You'll soon see why.)

Her schtick is zombies. (That and betting on college games, but maybe a gambling addiction isn't exactly a "schtick.") Anyway, she does know a ridiculous amount about how to survive the inevitable (and imminent) zombie attack. She doesn't really care about "human beings" per se, but she does occasionally post useful links to zombie survival web sites. I don't read them, of course, because part of zombie survival means being willing to cast away your loved ones to delay the zombies. Given this, why would I trust a zombie survival website? It's all a big trap to put me (and my delicious brains) in the hands (and mouths) of the zombies.

But, alas, you digress, reader.

As I was saying, my wife told me that she thinks it's great that Christy has this schtick. Thus in a warm spirit of sharing I told my "friend" that Juli had said this, that she approves. And here's the conversation that ensued.

Christy: "Oh really? That's nice. Well, you have your schtick, too."

Me: "My schtick??"

Christy: "You know...."

Me: "No. What?"

Christy: "Oh...I don't know. Well, not exactly...'self-absorbed' isn't exactly right, but...well, you know.

Me: "No."

Christy: "Fine. That you're emotionally crippled."

Me: "Wait, are you describing my personality?! Or is that a schtick?"

Christy: "I wasn't making a distinction."

Yeah, Christy will survive the zombie attack fo sho.


Christy J Snider said...

I lost the title of colleague, hum? So what does that make me now? Am I your nemesis, archenemy, or just 'the truth-bearer'? Heh... seriously though, I used to think your angst was complete schtick - it's only since getting to know you better that I realized the boulder-sized grain of truth that lies at the heart of it.

BTW, you want a fascinating bathroom picture try the coffee-like stain on the ceiling of the bathroom on first floor Evans.

Michael B said...

You commented on my blog. you're back as colleague. and pal.

i'm easy. and oh so needy.

Andy D. said...

All right, look.

Thank you for showing us "the photo" - as though you had the self-discipline to limit yourself to just one bathroom photo. The rough tile floor, the symmetrial corner, the wire grid of the trashcan, having just seen a cool shadow created by the exhibit... All the elements are there. And I'm going to call it: this one is but a schill for the other 25.

Dear Reader, Mike is correct about our 30-year relationship. Unfortunately he didn't lift the veil on the rest of it -- that like most 30-year marriages, ours has bumps in the road at times. And/or wild curves, which we speed around in reckless abandon. Like for example, when we argue and I get a bit rough -- I first have to make a conciliatory approach, which rapidly degenerates into "Argument, Phase II" and is even worse than the first. We've all been there...

"Mikey?... Mike. Look, ok. I'm sorry... I'm very sorry I joshed to the Blog that you were taking elicit self-erotic photos in the museum of the cowboy bathroom... Yes, I know, you love that place, and that shadow was really inspirng... Of course I know you know better than to believe you would once again take that form of your art 'to the streets.'...

Mike? Michael?... MICHAEL. MICHAEL! Oh, the silent treatment, eh? Well FINE. FINE, my man. JUST, FINE. Only, next time you get caught in the bathroom with your camera out, maybe YOU should just think of the correct Latin phrase for naming the Writ you will have to file, on your own, without my legal training. You know the Writ!! Of course you do! It's the one that means, 'The Officer Should Release Me Now, Despite Finding Me Taking An Upshot of My Naked Self in Full Native American Headress Standing in the Men's Room Trashcan, Chanting, Because We're Still in America, My Friends, and Even Though It Looks as Wrong as All Get Out, I Have a By-God First Amendment Right of Artistic Expression on Which Thou Shalt Not Tread"!!

Andy D. said...

A note to Christy:

I happen to really like Zombies too. Probably not to the point of loving them like it sounds you might -- but let's say I have more than a healthy interest and respect for all things zombie.

And along those lines, I just want you to know that I agree with what I know you're thinking.

MB? Would be the first human they would go after. And between us, he probably wouldn't last 10 seconds. Even if there were only one really slow zombie, and even if he had a shovel, a table leg, a pile of huge rocks, and five other things within reach to beat its head in with.


Julie said...

Love this photo. Lot's of computer manipulation, but can forgive that for the nice results.

I think telling people they have a "schtick" is dangerous. It's just the word. It makes the behavior an act that is put on for the benefit of entertaining others....right?
Personally, I don't get Christy's fascination with zombies or sports betting, but there is so much more to her to love and enjoy.

About your best friend Andy, (not to take anything away from your wonderful artwork) part of the enjoyment of reading this blog is his great sense of humor. VERY funny man. Now, don't tell him it's a schtick... .

Andy D. said...

Note to Just Curious:

To find the name of that Writ on your "little 'bout a lot" legal index -- maybe look under --

Odd Man "Out".


justcurious said...

Andy, writ or wrong, paralawyers should be able to handle all matters, large or small, but I'm not prepared for this type of legal exposure. I'm going to have to defer.

justcurious said...

In other words, my legal knowledge only extenze so far, and may not cover the matter at hand.

Andy D. said...

Oh JC, I think you're very prepared to handle this, both as a paralawyer and as a friend of the perp.

But you made one error already.

It's not "legal exposure" we're talking about. It's "illegal exposure."


Andy D. said...


justcurious said...

Are we done? Is this as far as this once family-friendly site can go? Or should we, you know what I'm going to say, file for an extension?

SORRY! I'm out. Promise.

shinigami-sidhe said...

I'm late to the party, but I really want "Erotic Photos in Museum Bathrooms" in the form of a coffee table book.

Andy D. said...

It was once family friendly.

But it has always been on the govmt watch list. I say we crack on. We're now very nearly in full control of the Blog.

justcurious said...

For a moment I thought Andy was right and that either the gov't or Timekeeper had shut us down; I kept getting the message that this website couldn't be found.

Anything but that!!

timekeeper said...

Don't you all have somewhere to be and some decent, God fearing, and polite topics to discuss?

Anonymous said...

There, I put on sunglasses and a hoodie. Is this better?

Don't want to be seen here said...

Why does your husband attract these people? And who are they? And can we be saved from them?