Just in case you didn't get the news...
Both a friend and my wife said that this sign should actually read, "Turn around. You're looking at it."
And if missed the other two signs.
When we moved to this town from Grand Rapids, MI, we were bewildered at how people gave directions. Which was basically by avoiding any reference whatsoever to a street name. (btw, have I ever mentioned where I live? I know at one point I didn't do so as part of my blog "code.") When we were trying to establish our utilities or find a store, we would tell people that we were brand-spanking new to the town, and we'd appreciate it if they can give us directions there.
Our conversations would run like this:
Us: Hi, we're trying to find K-Mart.
Them: Okay, you need to take a left at the old mall, and you can't miss it.
Us: Oh. Well where is the old mall?
Them: By the post office.
Us: I'm sorry. We just moved here a week ago. We are completely ignorant. I fear we're going to need street names.
Them: Street names? Hmmm.....hmmmmm.....yes, I see. Well, do you know where Sun Trust Bank is?
Us: (Mournful sigh.)
My favorite two examples. Once we asked for the location of some utility place downtown. The woman on the phone said, "Honey, it's right by the 4. M." "We're really ignorant, I'm sorry. But could you tell us where 4. M? is?" And so she gives us some more directions. Turns out she was referring to our city "forum." Ohhhh.....forum. Not 4-M.
Another example: Before we moved we came to town and were being shown houses by our realtor. She was referencing some place and said, "you know, it's near that white building where I used to get my hair cut." Ahhhh....of course. Why didn't you say so? It's all clear now.
But no one can help it, really. It's in the water. Every year I know fewer and fewer street names. Nowadays, I never mention street names when I give directions. To direct people to our house--and I'm not making this up--I tell people to take a left at where the old Baskin-Robbins used to be. (Now that place sells chicken wings.) Oh, you don't know where that is? It's right by Walmart. Which Walmart? The west Walmart, where the high school used to be.
Just randomly drive around until you find us. That's what we did.
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14 comments:
and if you happen to go too far, it's okay, as there's a very sweet lady next door who will gladly give you a tour of her house and grounds.
she and i correspond now.
That reminds me of the time we were looking for a new winery in southern Illiniois. When we couldn't find it, we stopped at an agricultural government office and asked for directions. They were "Turn right at the (German sounding name)'s place, go to you see a pile of gravel and turn left." Then another lady told the first one that of course we didn't know where so and so's place was so they actually had to get out a plat map and find out the name of the road.
justcurious--
yes, she speaks fondly of you.
she also makes LOTS of suggestions on how to help our grass grow. is that at your urging?? are you two conspiring against me? because we're working on it, okay.
technoprairie--
well, weren't YOU being a bother! maybe the gov't official was a teetotaler and was trying confuse you intentionally. or maybe they never had someone outside of their county visit the county before.
believe me, you can't win with those friendly neighbor suggestions. the husband next door tells me i really need to put more mulch around my trees. Meanwhile, his wife, on her twice daily dog walks, lets their leashed dog scrabble around in said mulch, kicking it all over the yard. then the husband tells me i need more mulch around our trees. see which ring of hell i'm in? i can only hope our cat is digging in their flower beds.
i did not know your sweet neighbor was on an improve-the-grass campaign. i am only familiar with the interior decorating services she offers.
p.s. my youngest saw me sign off with my chosen non de plume a few days ago, and was frankly aghast that i was saying i was someone other than the person he (thinks he)knows and loves. i explained to him that it's a "blog thing" but i believe he's still a little suspicious.
and please tell your wife... actually, step aside for a moment, would ya?
mb's wife, among other things, you are my humor hero. even if he hadn't identified you as the one who suggested the alternate pharmacy sign, i would have known that came from you. if there was a humor version of "name that tune", you would be the hands down champ. "I can be funny in 10 words." "I can be funny in 6 words." "Be funny." And you would.
oh, you're in one bad ring all right, just good and deep.
maybe you should put some mulch in their yard, hoping that the dog would find it as enticing as yours.
question: what good is the mulch around the tree? what does it do?
oh, i didn't know justcurious wasn't your name. can i gues what it is? is it....tom?
boy, when you say, "step aside," you ain't foolin' around, are you?
yes, my wife and i have different strengths when it comes to humor. her strength is her brevity, but i've always been under the impression that brevity and humor have never been good friends. my philosophy is why say someting in ten words when ninety-seven words does the trick.
1. mulch gives the neighborhood dogs somewhere cozy to pee and wards off letters from the neighborhood assoc. complaining that your yard isn't homey and dog-friendly enough.
2. darn it. when did you first suspect who i was? and on your first guess, too.
3. never fear, mb. your loquaciousness is like crack. i'm here all the time, aren't i? and to the detriment of my family, friends and the high powered job you now know i have.
justcurious--
in response:
1. huh.
2. you'd like to know, wouldn't you?
3. "your loquaciousness is like crack" may be one of the most regretted compliments in history. oh, how you will rue the day. because that comment was like crack for ME. it takes away any incentive i've ever had to, you know, edit.
question: why do we only rue days? why not rue lunch time?
I rue lunch time when I'm running behind and I have no idea what to make and nothing sounds good. Then it's time for the Ramen noodles.
you? ramen noodles? i don't belive it. nahhh...
"your loquaciousness is like crack"
Indeed, I think you may have found a new name for the blog.
i like it, too, but it strikes me as too brief. a longer title would be better.
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