Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Sharing is so nice.


I have a throbbing headache and I’m grouchy. Ordinarily I wouldn’t be so direct about what I’m about to say, but it’s been on my mind for a good long while now and I just need to let it out.

Enough with the zucchinis.

Please.


I mean COME ON!!! So you had a good zucchini crop this year and I’m just lousy with pride for you. But you had a good zucchini crop last year as well. In fact, you have you have a good zucchini crop every single year without fail. Floods. Drought. Global warming. A new ice age. It doesn’t matter. The zucchinis keep coming back year after year.

After year. After year.

I’m happy for you. In principle. But here’s what you need to know about me. I can do zucchini twice a summer. Three times tops. Hard as I may try, I'm just not cut out for an all-zucchini diet.

Yes I understand you’re an excellent human being and you like to share with others. And in the abstract that’s a good thing. But please give me just one. Or two, if you’d prefer. In which case I'll use one and pass along the other with love to someone else.

I do have a question for you: Why is it that you never have a good crop of sausage and mushroom pizza? Or chocolate chip cookies?

Now those are crops I would appreciate you sharing with me.

Because you’re so crazy about sharing, let me share right back atcha. In particular, I’d like to share some song lyrics I think you’ll enjoy: If nothing else, hopefully you’ll carry these catchy tunes with you all day. And tomorrow. And the next day. I want this to be the kind of gift that just keeps on giving.

So here we go:

The Climax Blues Band has a little something it would like to share with you:

“Since then I never look back.
It’s almost like living a dream.
And oooooooooooooooooooh, I love you.”

Harry Nilsson sings this song just for you:

“I can’t live
If living is without you
I can’t live
I cant’ give anymore
Can’t live if living is without you
I can’t give
I can’t give anymore”

You might remember this ditty by Steve Forbert back in the 70’s.

“Meet me in the middle of the day
Let me hear you say, everything’s okay
Come on out beneath the shining sun

Meet me in the middle of the night
Let me hear you say everything’s all right
Sneak on out beneath the stars and run, yeah”

And this one is a CLASSIC!!!

“if you like pina coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
Then I’m the love that you’ve looked for
Write to me and escape”

Hey, I’m discovering that sharing is fun!!!!

Awww…if only we could hear this one together. But since we can’t, sing a line or two in my honor, would you?

“Aruba, Jamaica oooh I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo

And who can forget this winner from my high school years?

“Just say the word
Su Su Su Sussudio

And this one came out at about the same time, too!

“Everybody have fun tonight/
Everybody wang chung tonight.”

And just in case you don’t believe I’m a giving person, let me give you this one last gift:

"We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll"


Have a great day!

And thanks for the zucchinis!

7 comments:

shinigami-sidhe said...

There are useful and fun things to do with the plethora of zucchini. I end up with large amounts of cucumber and squash and I take them outside with a knife to improve my reflex speed and hand-eye coordination by tossing the fruits into the air and attempting to cut them on the way down. My goal is 3 clean cuts before any pieces hit the ground. Thus far, I have only managed 2, but I'm steadily improving.

Steven Taylor said...

I had no idea that headaches for you lead to extreme verbosity (or, perhaps, it is just the pent-up zucchini wrath).

This may be one of your longest posts of all time!

Michael B said...

steven,

your zucchinis were fine. this post wasn't about you. i loved them.

truly.

can't wait for more!

Michael B said...

Shinigami-sidhe--

two cuts is good, but i know you can do better, shinigami-sidhe.

speaking of mid-air fruit cutting....woh woh woah. wait, stop. isn't zucchini a vegetable? or is it just one more former vegetable that's been given a new designation? new fruit status.

is that an upgrade or is it a demotion?

it's a demotion, isnt' it? it's like what happened to poor pluto, my favorite erstwhile planet, isn't it? one day floatin' along, minding its own business, and then the next day it's given second-class citizenship.

it's all very unsettling....

anyway, here's the absolute truth. one of my favorite dinner-time tricks to do for my kids when my wife is out with her friends is to slice fruit in the air with a knife. apples are a breeze, natch, but have you tried grapes?

i'm like a ninja, i am.

justcurious said...

don't forget the most sharingest, stuck in your head song of all time...

i'd like to teach the world to sing
in perfect harmony (close up of swaying, arm locked, long haired, hippy types)
i'd like to hold in in my arms
and keep it company

then what do they do? they share, not a zucchini, but a coke!

hope this helps.

Michael B said...

justcurious--

there's a line. you crossed it.

Technoprairie said...

You'll be grateful for zucchini when the only thing left after the holocaust are cockroaches and zucchini.