Tuesday, March 09, 2010

art house freak out

I've got this sick feeling, readers, that every last one of you likes James Taylor.

I need to know the truth. Answer the poll.

19 comments:

shinigami-sidhe said...

There needs to be an option for being completely ignorant of James Taylor.

Andy D. said...

There also needs to be an option for "he's a good artist, he leaves you alone, and what the hell can a reasonable person possibly have against him?"

If we want to chastise an obvious target, say Ashlee Simpson, then I'm on board. But James Taylor -- I've never understood what you have against the guy. I don't love him, but I recognize that he's a proven quantity over many decades, he's an original artist, and surely is deserving of some modicum of respect?

While we're talking about it, what do you have against "Baker Street" artist Gerry Rafferty as well? I'm guessing it is along similar lines to whatever The James Taylor Rub is... Please elucidate the (we) masses.

A.

Andy D. said...

PS -- SS, rest assured if I run to Texas, I will notify the blog immediately and ask for full support. Thanks for that sentiment -- I know I could trust you not to turn me over.

And in times like those, that's really saying something, because you just can't trust many people when you're on the run.

Well I guess you "can," but then you'd be dead pretty darn fast...

Andy D. said...

SS, let me use my last comment thanking you for the kind "we will blog for you while you're on the run" comment, to explain something about myself.

I tend to hear what I want to hear. MB can confirm this. And when this means ingratiating myself on my friends, I tend to engage in, so-called, "amplification of the ingration." So for example --

What you said was, if you're on the run, Andy, I will blog my support for you.

But what I heard was, when you are on the run in Texas, Andy, I will hide you.

And in my mind, that quickly turns into, I will hide you and feed you.

And give you clothes when you need it.

And loan you my car to make weekend gambling runs into Louisiana or, on a holiday weekend, Mississippi.

So now you're not just blogging for me, you're hiding me, feeding me, clothing me, and loaning me your car to make Louisiana gambling runs on the weekend. Or also on Mondays and Thursdays.

And also, I like to watch HBO at night, but I can also rent movies if your TV does that.

Oh and I like BBQ.

So anyway.... There's a bit more for you about me.

A.

Prudence said...

Did you know that James Taylor has a son - Ben Taylor - who sounds exactly like him?

He popped up on my Pandora the other day and I thought it was odd considering I can no longer stand the sound of James Taylor's voice as a result of your criticism.

You can count your James Taylor vilification efforts as a [much appreciated] success!

Andy D. said...

Let me just say, Prudence I don't know you and I hope you blog often, and I'm actually sure I will ultimately respect all your opinions -- but to suggest there is a Ben Taylor related to James Taylor is just a cruel and vicious lie. Come on now -- Ben Taylor?

I mean, that's like saying Gene Simmons has a son, Larry Simmons. Or Sting has a son, Ralphie Sumner. Or Eddie Van Halen has a son, Wolfgang Van --... Or "Dweezil" Zappa... Or... Or...

Ok ok. I've gone a bit past the point of "lost credibility" in my argument.... But still.

Ben Taylor.... huh!!!!! Mike, you know that has to be utterly fictional. There is no Ben Taylor. You're only allowing it because Prudence somehow ended up in your corner on this one and you hate to call ** on it.

AD.

Claudia said...

You know I've met James Taylor, right? He's nice. Tall. Funny. Quiet. Gosh, I think you'd even like him! Hahahahaha!

shinigami-sidhe said...

AD-I would be perfectly willing to hide, feed, clothe, lend you my car, and let you watch television in my house, and in return for so much information about yourself, I will inform you of the conditions you may expect.

Dude, I'm a grad student! I save all my limited money for delusions of grandeur at the opera,which I experience in vintage vintage clothes I get off ebay.

I do not have a television; my tv experiences involve sniping youtube a few hours after my favorite shows come on so that I can watch them in 9 minute segments with out of sync audio before the network takes them down.

I subsist largely on cereal, coffee, alcohol, and the free food my university provides to those who can convincingly pretend like they attended the talks by famous people with catered receptions after.

The driver's seat in my car stopped moving forward or back some time ago. I am exactly 5 feet and 3 inches tall, and you will not be able to move the seat to a position comfortable for people of stature.

Actually, that might not be a problem, because I could probably be talked into driving you to Louisiana. You gamble while I chill at the opera drinking champagne. I wouldn't take you to Mississippi though, that state just isn't fabulous.

But speaking of being 5'3, my clothes will not fit you, but I'm sure I can whip you up something out of technical papers I am citing in my thesis without actually reading plus garbage bags.

Texas barbecue is lacking; it makes me miss Georgia. If you want to eat it, that's between you and your god.

So yes, you are welcome to come live with me and eat my generic brand cheerios, wear my trash bags, watch out of sync tv on my spare laptop, being aware that I control the wireless and will be throttling your bandwidth so you don't interfere with my illegal downloading activities, and then we can take weekend trips to New Orleans. Mondays and Thursdays are right out because I have to be at work. You could come to work with me and chill out for naps in the lab that has bean bag chairs. I would introduce you to my friends as my pet felon turned hobo who watches HBO, and we would name you Ebenezer.

shinigami-sidhe said...

Also, I agree with AD, sans his fondness for HBO and desire to visit such a place as Mississippi. What is your obsession with James Taylor? You don't ever spend this much time talking about artists you love. Has James Taylor had such a huge and detrimental cultural influence that he can neither be ignored nor forgiven? I'm seriously asking, I don't know who the guy is, so for all I know he is guilty of picardy thirds, poor lip syncing, and lyrics praising child molestation in a way that has become a model for all artists following after.

Andy D. said...

Yeah MB -- what the heck!!! Lay off James Taylor already!! You heard her!!! Plus Claudia has met him!

SS -- now that is a very tempting offer. We'll just have to see... maybe I won't run to Texas? You know, since I've now posted that as my plan on this public website and all... But we'll see!

Though, I just HAVE to ask... Out of everything you said, this was the one that MOST caught my attention:

An obsession with Louisiana opera? I mean, is there even such a thing? And if there is, one would admit knowing about it -- and liking it? Strike that -- DRIVING MILES to see it? When there's gambling to be had, apparently in the same location?

What must Louisiana opera -- ney, "Bayou Caterwaul" -- sound like?

"Ohhhhhhhhhh, ya'll c'mon in heya, and eaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat some mowa cuh-raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw fish!!! Now go next dowa to that hooooootel, and roll me a SNAKE EYES on that craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps table..."

I mean Bayou Opera??.....

But other than that -- MB you gotta read and re-read SS's passionate plea to lay off JT already. She has no idea who he is, like me with his (purported) son Ben, yet she has the wisdom of knowing a bullying blogger when she sees one (you), picking as he does on a poor, struggling musician with a lilting classical voice. The poll results thus far demand that you explain yourself.

If for no other reason, I'm waiting ot hear you stand up to that stray "Texas BBQ Sucks" blast.

A.

Prudence said...

Andy D,

I assure you that according to highly reputable Internet sources such as starpulse.com and Wikipedia that there is indeed a musician son of James Taylor and Carly Simon named Ben.

Wikipedia's Ben Taylor intro:

"Ben Taylor (born Benjamin Simon Taylor on January 22, 1977) is a musician and actor. He is the son of folk rock artists James Taylor and Carly Simon. His sister, Sally Taylor, is also a musician. Ben Taylor bears a striking resemblance to his famous father and has a singing voice akin to him as well. Although he has made efforts to distance his career from that of his parents, there are inevitable comparisons because of this, and because his chosen genre of music is similar to that of Simon and Taylor."

Or, I'm just a musical conspiracy theorist who likes to update Wikipedia with fictional entries in my spare time... The blogging world may never know.

Andy D. said...

Carly who?

: )

MB - theory to test on your poll - your readers' views on the immense talent of James Taylor, star extraordinaire, being wasted on marrying a talentless hack poser like Carly Simon.

I take no position.

A.

shinigami-sidhe said...

AD my precious pet Ebenezer-silly pet! Mocking an obsession that can be used for your advantage, such a bad strategy!

Of course, now that you mock me, I'm all defensive about driving to Nawlins and back in a day just to see the Nawlins opera company, and I certainly am not going to mention the grand ballet in which Parisian felons fled to the swamps of Louisiana to die. The lovely lovely man in the lovely purple tights had to change into green tights to die in Louisiana. I was quite disappointed in him. Also quite over him. Men. You think you know them and that they will always be wonderful, and then they change into green tights while you are getting more champagne.

No matter where you run, my felonious little pet, do not do so in green tights. Please.

I'm going to keep calling you my pet until you object to it, just so you know.

MB-we anxiously await your pearls of wisdom and defense of Texan barbecue. And based on the results of the last poll, I should definitely be getting one of my own. For which, darling fellow blog readers, allow me to say that I am overwhelmed at the support and I love and adore you all.

Andy D. said...

Gosh - I can't wear my green tights?.... Ok, but there goes what was going to be my grandest St Patrick's Day ever!!

I'll run around on the run from the Man sans green tights - which up here in Kansas we call "goin commando".

Pet is fine, as long as you keep the BBQ and gambling/opera taxi service coming. Oh and beer. Please.

Claudia said...

Okay, I'm (reluctantly) weighing in...

Ben Taylor...yes, son of James. I've seen him in concert with dear old dad and he is indeed more or less the sum of his parts.

AD, Carly is lame and in my opinion not worthy of a poll.

S-S, very intriguing, this idea of Louisian Opera. Let's leave the tights out of it.

MB...where are you? Too much James Taylor discussion got you down? I have to admit that now when I'm out and about (how Canadian of me) and I hear a JT song, I ALWAYS think of you. Yes, that is the power that you wield.

Claudia said...

Oh, and there is also a daughter, Sally Taylor. Also a singer.

timekeeper said...

Okay, I am not one to kick James Taylor. I just turn the radio station. But now that I know he and Carly Simon had a kid....the mellow favorites that must be flowing through his veins!

shinigami-sidhe said...

By amazing coincidence, James Taylor came up on Pandora. I found him uninteresting, but not particularly inspiring of any strong emotions of any flavor.

By even more amazing coincidence, I received an advertisement in the mail for the Nawlins' Ballet's Ruby Gala. Andy-flee from the law Texasward already. Bring your tights; I'll pack the booze.

shinigami-sidhe said...

Claudia-sorry for the continued insistence on tights, but sometimes an experience simply isn't complete without them.