Tuesday, February 01, 2011

I and the Eyeball


Temporary name change in the blog in honor of a friend who refers to our blog in shorthand--quite winningly--as "The Eye."

So yes, Lydia has seen the blog. And a certain father-in-law, though I won't mention whose, wrote me an email the other day and noted that he, too, had seen my eyeball series. His assessment is best summarized in his own words: "Not sure what to say...."

Oh, I think that says it all.

Hey, this is interesting. Lydia has asked to type a special message for Shinigami-Sidhe. Well I don't see why not. Sure Lydia, go right ahead:

"Thanks Dad! You're the BEST!!!

Hi, this is Lydia. I want to write this note to Shinigami-Sidhe, who my fabulous and first-rate and simply lovable father has informed me was one of the most clever (former) students he had the pleasure to teach! In particular, I want to respond to your kind offer from a few days ago, when you wrote this: "Lydia, if you are reading this and have any awkward questions, I will totally answer them!"

I very much appreciate the offer, and I want to respond accordingly. Before I proceed, however, I want to assure you that this really is Lydia. Really. Believe me. This is NOT my father typing out a phony reply posing as me. That would almost be wrong (though charmingly clever), and my father is a most excellent and honorable man. What a guy!!! But back to the letter. I want to assure you that, first of all, I don't have any awkward questions. I don't even think them. Not ever. And I won't think them in the future, either, or at least not until I'm about, oh, 28 or 29 years old. I think nothing but happy innocent (precocious) child thoughts, and in particular I chiefly think thoughts about just how lucky I am to have such excellent and loving parents, who have devoted their lives in recent years to chauffeuring me around God's green earth without ceasing, completely sacrificing their own happiness for my own. (I should add: And cheerfully and without complaint! Man, they really are the BEST!!!) Secondly, I also want you to know that were I ever to stumble upon an awkward question, I will just stuff it deep down inside where it belongs, hidden in the dark recesses of the heart, buried under layers and layers of good Presbyterian guilt. If I MUST ask an awkward question, however, I will consult my parents or, if they are not available, maybe--just maybe--a very happy and contented nun. I will not consult my friends or peers. Ever. Actually, I will consult my MOTHER because though I know my father to be wise beyond measure, I would not want to embarrass him with awkward questions. That would be unfortunate. But thank you, S-S, for volunteering me your ear. How very kind of you.

Yours,

Lydia and NOT my father"

So how 'bout that?! Lydia has spoken.

What's that, Lydia? You want to write Mr. Andy a note, too? A note about how you stand by your assessment of my writing as "profound"? Well, why don't we wait for another time, ok? He's a little....busy.

7 comments:

Andy D. said...

Sometimes we say more by being jaw-dropped speechless, than if we wrote a thousand words.

Probably there's a lesson in there for me, too. But for now I'll be comforted that the lesson was directed specifically toward you in particular.

Word for the day - "switszh," meaning, "to score a perfect shot with your tazer."

A.

Andy D. said...

Dear Mike -- errrrrr, "Lydia,"

What show is it... hmmm... The one where they rent that big house in Atlanta.... I remember seeing that there are secret, hidden cameras... hmmm... oh wait, wait -- they lure men there, I think? And then arrest them?

Dateline, I think? "To Catch a ...." What is that word?

Well anyway, the shows always start off with quotations to some series of blog posts and email chains, where some 40+ year old man has been posing as a teenage girl, and is emailing other young girls...

Well anyway. It was most profound of you to walk into that one.

Respek.

Mr. A.

Andy D. said...

PS -- word now showing -- "cursed".

Not a good omen. Ok, I take it all back.

shinigami-sidhe said...

I am now imagining layers of Presbyterian guilt as a cake, each moist level of self-loathing topped with the icing of tasty, tasty sin.

Julie said...

Thank you so much for honoring my laziness. It is such a pleasure to have one's strengths recognized publicly.

I think I need to investigate this "pleasures of hand washing" series. I'm not sure how I missed it. (or worse yet, forgotten it)

I had better check it out, just to know what questions to be prepared for when my own young children discover the profoundness of THE EYE.

justcurious said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Steven Taylor said...

Julie:

If I recall properly, there was also some discussion of sneezing...