this is the first and only photo i've ever posted taken by someone other than me. I do so because it reveals so nicely why i am indebted to this young man--a man who, despite what you might gather from the photo (or, say, from talking with him), now studies at princeton.
Here’s how life works: i gave him knowledge and wisdom (on, for example, why drummers make the best student workers, or why baptism by immersion is almost like cheating because its symbolism is so obvious it requires practically no faith at all). in return from him i learned how to make computer noises and dance like the white man i am. i also learned this phrase: "conversational tyrant." i will not tell you to whom he applied it. (hint: i'm still bitter.)
Let’s face it: I got the better deal in the bargain.
This is a limited edition posting that will soon be taken down.
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8 comments:
Where do I start to comment on this post?...let's see. A few things:
i) If I was audacious enough to do so, I'd use the F*** patois to convey my excitement for this post (as is the only way that native New Jerseyans express emotion). However, I'll refrain for the sake of your growing and diverse audience.
ii) I feel a bit slighted as the number of my appearances pale in comparison to Donaldson's.
iii) How telling is it of your personality that the only picture to have appeared on your blog that you did not take, will probably have a blog-life of under 24 hours? How do I put this ... umm...yeah...TYRANT!!
iv) I was in Pagel's office for quite a while the other day and she did the strangest things: the conversation didn't revolve around her, she actually let me speak, she didn't force me to do the robot, she didn't kick me out of her office, and, oddly enough, she didn't make me shoot nerf darts at her face.
Here's my question: What's wrong with her?
here's my first reaction to your love letter to me: aye, no one cares for me welfare.
i should leave it at that to preserve the little that remains of my dignity, but your post begs for a response. i respond reluctantly, but i want to show the world how one can disagree with someone and still be respectful.
1. say what you want. do what you want. that's always been my motto. let a thousand blossoms bloom. i'm all ears. and all sympathy and understanding. your troubles are my troubles.
that's what i say.
2. any time you me to take photos of you, that's fine. but i have to remind you that my old policy still applies: no nudes. and so if you still can't handle that, then no deal.
3. did i say 24 hours? i was thinking 36 hours. once again you underestimate my generosity. (see above about no one caring for me welfare.)
4. perhaps. but did she charm you with fascinating stories about me?
i doubt it. so let me hit you with two words about your conversation with her: bor-ing.
and did she help you clarify your thoughts and feelings by telling you what you think and feel?
i doubt it. so let me hit you with three words to describe how you felt when you left her office: de-spon-dent.
and did she encourage you to loosen up, relieve some stress, and enjoy the techno music in my office by, yes, doing the robot?
i doubt it. so let me hit you with three words to describe the letdown you felt when you left her office: crest-fall-en.
and did she help you make the most of your day by demanding that you greet the world with gusto by leaving my office immediately?
i doubt it. so let me hit you with one word to how you feel when you were invited to stay in her office: trapped!
and did she invite you to let go of your (strikingly obvious aggression) while simultaneously sharpening your survival skills by encouraging (making)you engage in what is best described as......performance art? so let me hit you with two words for how you must have felt while you were in her office not shooting darts at her face: emp-ty.
thanks for the note, robot. i'll call you later to tell you your reaction to my response.
oh, by the way. here is the absolute truth stated without embellishment. my youngest daughter just came into my office and read the words, "johnny robot." and here's what she said:
"johnny robot!!! i love him!" and then she proceeded to do the robot.
no joke. it's completely true.
i'm so sorry that you were mistreated so. so i suppose the truth is that no one cares for ye welfare.
My god this blog post so well encapsulate all the things I remember so fondly (and by fondly of course I mean remorsefully) about those last 7 years of my college tenure. You really trained JonBon well Bailey.
Which leads me to a few comments of my own:
A) do you even have rough estimate of how many soft foam projectiles have passed through the air of your "office"? I am guessing its in the thousands
2) I have to admit that hearing your conversational tirades (to coin a well penned phrase from my underling) did teach me a lot about myself. For example I am really glad I am not so paranoid about robot monkeys taking over the Earth. And I know now that my intense fear of being chained up in dark confined spaces does subside after several hours. I would never have known these things were it not for MB sharing his deepest thoughts....and chaining me up in a dark confined space.
D) I have more pictures because I am better
finally. this is the first reasonable reply to any of my posts that i've ever received. now this is the kind of response i would expect from the persons for whom i slaved for four years (and in donaldon's case, seven).
donaldson, you prove once again that you, my friend, are the all-time office battle champion.
you may want to tell jonbon that a little gratitude goes a long way, now don't it?
(p.s. i'll send you the check for the note asap. tell no one.)
which one is the robot, and which one is the monkey?
it's painful to me that anyone would ask the question.
i'm the monkey. all the way monkey.
robot? pleeeeeze!!
If I may interject, all this post does is confirm (not that I really needed any) that we most definitely need to get together soon.
We will let the imagination run wild as to whether this is because I see this post as a desperate cry for help, or because my life is sorely is need of refreshing Baileyesque entertainment.
we all make desparate cries for help at times. this post seems like a good candidate. hope to see you soon.
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