To consult one’s memory is to consult what one hopes is the accurate engraving of reality on the soul itself. Odd, isn’t it, that we must always turn inwards—by consulting reason, memory, feelings, or conscience—to make sense of the world outside of us. That inward life is never directly discernable by anyone but ourselves, and it’s not even clear to us what’s going on within us. Is our soul like a museum that a visitor, the real me, the self, walks through at his leisure? Or is the “real me” the museum itself becoming aware of itself selectively and discursively? A weak or thin internal life is dry, flat, and subject to the buffeting of the outside world. A world lived entirely inside oneself is either the mark of genius or, more often, the clinically insane. As I’ve grown older, I’ve found that I live within myself more and more--that is, I take pleasure increasingly by my own internal dialogues and games--and perhaps for this reason (as I'm no genius) I worry at what stage one knows—or can know—when one is going insane.
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3 comments:
What about a weak internal life due to all of things we have to do everyday? I think that is more my problem. I have such a list of things to do and projects that I want to do if I have "free" time that I don't think I have the time to think internally. When I do a task, I think about the task in hand or in answering a child's question. I don't think about my place in the universe or if I am content in my life or deep, internal things. I know that this is a season of life and that I need to concentrate on working with my children now. But to get anytime to think on life, myself, and the mysteries of the universe, I find I have to get away from the house and the people in my house. Now my dh thinks about deep things all the time. I don't know how he does it. So do we make a healthy balance if you count us together?
Technoprarie,
While you are definitely crazy-busy, you are surely selling yourself short. For one thing, having someone in your life sharing his thoughts with you also spurs your own thoughts. (I, for one, virtually never have an "original" thought; we all borrow from someone!) Also, you may be "practical," but you are practical at such a high level of thoughtfulness and purposefulness, it indicates that a lot of "internal" thought is going on. I know very, very few people more thoughtful as a "package" in how they live life than you and your dh. I didn't word that well, but you get my drift.
You two are the "renaissance" couple.
Thank you for the compliment.
I do have "internal" thoughts as I am organizing, cleaning, cooking, etc. But are those thoughts about what comes next in the recipe or what I need to do next to make my time efficient count as "great internal ponderings"? It doesn't seem that way to me. But maybe with my internal organizing thoughts and then organizing actions from those thoughts, I make it easier for my dh to have his really deep thoughts.
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